Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Thank You

Beth has a question.

She'd like to know if 'aaaaah bada ajd da da da?'
The answer to this question must, for the time being, 
be given in the form of a kiss on the forehead 
because I have no idea what she's banging on about.

The soundtrack to this post is: The Rocket Summer 

I'm very nervous of writing this today. I'm actually feeling a little bit sick in my tummy about it, and that's because I recently became aware that lots more people than I thought read this blog. Including friends of John who i've never met and he's not seen in years. And peoples' sisters who live in Liverpool. And people i've met at a wedding.

The thing is, I work out what I think about life through this keyboard. When everything is going at crazy-pace I sit down here and do some tip tapping away at this laptop and hey presto! Slightly offensive rant!

Obviously, i'm a bit of a trying to follow Jesus person and i'm suddenly so so scared that people are reading this because oh my goodness how do I communicate Him and all that He is to the actual real life people who read this? It's like trying to squish a whale into a lunchbox.

What a terrible analogy. 

But it's a week until we leave and thus a blog update is in order, because there are some very important things to say before we leave. So be kind, because my brain that struggles to function at the best of times is being pulled apart by all the things I have to think about. I'd write you a list but it's boring unless you're me. The main thing that i'd like to do is say thank you.

We have been moving at the speed of light for the last 3 years, got used to living out of suitcases and in other peoples' houses and falling asleep on planes and making plans plans plans. At the same time we have always known that we're welcome in Lewes, that when we rock up unwashed, sleepy and pregnant we will be hugged until we feel ready to start running again. 

There are no words (I say that a lot, I should probably extend my vocabulary) for the stillness that comes when you know you're accepted when you fail and applauded when you win. That you can screw up, say the wrong thing, forget the birthday, insult the outfit, judge the intention, or just not be there and it doesn't matter - you're still home.

We've been panicking about that week's groceries and cash has quietly slipped through the letter box. I've been freaking about parenting things and have been inundated with reassurance and time off. My baby is clothed in things much cooler than I ever could have afforded (thanks Jola!). I've needed to vent and there's been bottomless cups of tea. I've needed to celebrate and there's been pubs and wine and so much laughing. I've needed to break and there's been listening ears and a trust in me and my ability to mend. I've wanted to help and people have let me try. I've been honest and I have not been abandoned.

How many people get to say that?

I was in church this Sunday and everywhere I looked there was someone who has held me together in some way - when the hurt was greater than the joy and when the joy upended the hurt.

And i'm not cut up about leaving all this treasure we've found in Lewes. I'm calm. And glad. Because when the last few years leave you with such sweetness and beauty, you don't bitch about leaving it behind, you say thank you.

Sing, Oh Daughter of Zion,
shout aloud, O Israel!
be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O Daughter of Jerusalem!

The LORD has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm...

he will quiet you with his love.

...At that time I will gather you;
at that time I will bring you home.
Zeph 3:13

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