So. We booked things.

This is Bethel. Look at her in wonder.
She is eating food. She's a genius.

Soundtrack to this post: Matisyahu

I'm telling you that because his music is beautiful, and gives me delusions of a coolness which I do not truly possess, and I may break into some hiphop speak. Yo.

What to say? I guess an update is in order, but I can't promise to have any organised or helpful thoughts in my mind for my mind is currently a befuddled place. A fairly happy place, but not a place of sense. 
We're off! John's driving out with our stuff and a man who apparently knows what he's doing, and I follow a few days later with a baby and a panic. Not looking forward to the train journey to my parents, the drive to the airport, the flight from the airport and the drive to Vinnitsya avec tiny wriggler but it's got to be done and least I can obsessively write lists in preparation. I like lists.

So how am I feeling about going?
All my 'i'm doing this for JESUS, bitches!' bravado has sort of faded away. I love my friends in England and all I can think is that i'm leaving them and I don't really want to. Am thoroughly sick of meeting people who say 'oh you're moving to Ukraine? To work with Orphans? Oh, you're so good'.
Yeah. I'm so good. I'm routinely selfish and moody, I slag people off behind their backs, I am fairly horrible to my husband a lot of the time, I take the piss out of Christians a lot more than is acceptable, i'm generally impatient and judgemental when people are less 'right' than me, I abandon my convictions in conversations so people will like me, i'm obsessed with the size of my stomach whilst shoveling cake into my gob, i'm the queen of hypocrisy, I swear a lot when my baby doesn't sleep and I top all of this off with a good dollop of pride.

So there we go - not good, not nice, not kind, just me.
And as I tried haltingly to explain to the nice lady I met last night who gave me that crinkly eyed smile of admiration that makes me want to scream: I'm not going to Ukraine because i'm 'good', I'm going to Ukraine because...

God loves people.
God's people are thus meant to love people.
There is suffering because God's people don't do anything about it.
I want to do something about it.
I'm capable of that because of his love.

So it's really all about him.

It's pretty simple. And to nail my colours to the mast even more deliberately, I don't just mean physical suffering. I'm not going to be slotted into that box of 'she's a Christian but she's ok really because she's doing stuff with orphans', I do believe with all of my heart that everyone on earth was invented for relationship with God daddy through his love for them as shown on the cross. Boom. (Yo) So i'm going to try to show that with my life and with my words.

I know that in this country evangelism is seen as the worst thing someone with a faith can do, but I yearn for the message of those who follow Jesus to be shown/perceived/experienced in truth. Because our culture screams that religion is fine as long as it affects nobody other than oneself, but if Christians just sit around and shut up then who will show the world where love comes from? And who will stand with the oppressed or the lonely or the persecuted? And who will point to the One who made us to be free and who wants so much for us to run with him?

This has descended into yet another outloud processing rant and I was meant to be telling you practical things. Here are some practical things- John leaves on Aug 22nd, I leave Aug 26th. I'm flying with British Airways and that makes me happy because i'm not usually such a classy bird, and John is driving pretty much non stop with a hurty back so that's going to be interesting. When we arrive some of the team won't be around which is sad but they have just had a baby and need to show said baby to family in the states which is fair enough! We'll either be moving straight into the transition home but we might get to stay with Vova for a bit which will be FUN - I think Beth may love him a lot.
I think we'll be helping to host an outreach team, and then doing staff training, and then staffing a DTS and then it'll be a year since we got there and we'll start looking at moving in some orphans.

John's home now and B is sleeping like a baby (which she never does, generally she sleeps like an incontinent insomniac) so i'm going to get dressed. Apparently one cannot go to one's inlaws in pyjamas. Stupid social conventions.

K. Bye. xxxxxxxxxxx